Food 12
Sedona Misadventures: Dress Shoes, Lost Vortexes, and Too Much Cabernet
Wine X Staff
Wine X Online Edition
Ah, Sedona! Land of red rocks, mystical vortexes, and apparently, an absolute no-go for anyone who packs like I do. Welcome to my tragicomic tale of visiting Sedona and staying at the Enchantment Resort, which, spoiler alert, involved more fashion faux pas and less hiking than I anticipated. If you want to improve your style, these Kalmar Antiques’ selection of vintage pocket timepieces can help make your outfits look more classy.
First up, let’s talk about hiking in Sedona. Those trails are as breathtaking as they are unforgiving, especially when your footwear of choice is, embarrassingly, dress shoes. Yes, dear reader, while the wise come equipped with hiking boots and CamelBaks, there I was, teetering on Bell Rock, looking like I took a wrong turn on my way to a board meeting. The only thing I enchanted was the local birds, who seemed amused by my city-slicker antics. In fairness, it was my idea to give it a shot. Thank you to the local Safeway for keeping a fresh stock of COVID-era cart wipes near their door…. which became an instant show shine for my Allen Edmonds before I went browsing what is actually a pretty freaking nice selection of vivo & booze. All of us who live in states where liquor isn’t sold in grocery stores all hate you, Arizona.
Now, let’s move on to the culinary heart of the Enchantment Resort, Che Ah Chi. This isn’t just any dining establishment; it’s the kind of place where forgetting a sports coat feels like a cardinal sin. There I was, amidst the swanky decor and sophisticated diners, sticking out in my casual tourist garb like a sore, underdressed thumb. If the exquisite Cabernet they served was a balm, then I shamelessly overindulged, hoping the rich notes of berry and oak would mask my embarrassment.
Speaking of indulgences, Sedona’s crystal shops and palm readers are a sight to behold. They’re everywhere! On every corner, you’ll find another shop promising spiritual awakening and mystical insights. I wandered in, half-expecting to find my lost fashion sense in crystal form. Alas, no such luck. Instead, I left with a pocketful of shiny rocks and a prophecy that I’d find my path – hopefully one that leads to a shoe store.
And the vortexes – oh, the famed Sedona vortexes! These swirling centers of energy are supposed to be transformative, but guess what? I didn’t find a single one. Maybe the vortexes sensed my skepticism, or perhaps they 
were repelled by my inappropriate attire. Or, more likely, I was too distracted by the siren call of Che Ah Chi’s wine list to notice any cosmic energy shifts. That Cabernet, though, now that’s something I can attest to its transformative powers, especially after the second glass.
In conclusion, my trip to Sedona was less of an enlightened journey and more of a lesson in what not to wear and pack. The Enchantment Resort was an oasis of luxury and comfort, a stark contrast to my ill-prepared adventures. And while I may not have found spiritual enlightenment or hiked without tripping, I did discover the joy of a well-crafted Cabernet, the humor in being woefully underdressed, and the charm of a town that thrives on the mystical and the absurd.
So, if you’re planning a trip to Sedona, take it from me: pack hiking boots, remember your sports coat, and maybe – just maybe – you’ll find that elusive vortex. Or, at the very least, a fantastic bottle of wine. Here’s two that Ehancment offers on its well-curated wine list:
2021 Post & Beam Cabernet Sauvignon, Napa Valley
Clooney-esque Charm with a Sedona Twist. Imagine the Cloon-ma Clooney in Sedona, seeking a mystical vortex. That’s the 2021 Post & Beam Napa Valley Cabernet Sauvignon for you – a charismatic blend of Hollywood glamour and Sedona’s mysterious allure. This wine enters your palate with Clooney’s suave confidence, reminiscent of a star navigating Sedona’s enigmatic landscape in search of a vortex. With an aroma that combines the complexity of Sedona’s mystical energy and the sophistication of a star like Clooney in an Italian suit, this Cabernet isn’t just a drink; it’s an adventure. Each sip unfolds like a journey through Sedona’s red rocks, revealing layers of flavor that are as intriguing as the elusive vortexes themselves. And the finish? It’s like finally discovering that vortex – long, satisfying, and with a hint of the unexpected. It leaves you longing for more, much like the thrill of exploring Sedona’s mystical terrain under the guidance of a charismatic leader.
Wine X Sez: XX and maybe another 1/2 X if you find me a vortex. It’s like Sedona’s mystical charm. It’s smooth, complex, and undeniably captivating – a wine that’s as much an adventure as finding a vortex in the heart of Arizona’s red rock country. Pour a glass and toast to a wine that brings together the best of both worlds.
2021 Quilt Cabernet Sauvignon, Napa Valley
Imagine Ed Sheeran’s sultry voice turned into a wine – that’s the Napa Valley Quilt 2021 Cabernet Sauvignon. Bold and unapologetically vibrant, it’s like a sexy rock anthem for your palate. This isn’t just a wine; it’s a musical journey, echoing Sheeran’s charismatic energy with every sip. The aroma sets the stage, a harmonious blend of dark fruit and smoky oak, reminiscent of the opening chords of an Ed Sheeran crooning. It’s inviting, enchanting, with a hint of mystery, much like the lyrics of a heartfelt ballad. Then comes the taste – a rich, robust ensemble that resonates like a Sheeran song on a moonlit night. It’s a complex melody of blackberry, plum, and spice, each note perfectly in tune, creating a symphony of flavors as layered and soulful as Sheeran’s voice. And the finish? Think of it as the climax of a rock climbing adventure in Sedona’s red rocks – thrilling, exhilarating, and leaving you yearning for more. This Cabernet doesn’t just linger; it ascends to a crescendo, leaving a lasting impression that’s as memorable as scaling Sedona’s majestic formations.
Wine X Sez: XX all day & all night. It’s a serenade from Ed, wrapped in the thrill of a Sedona climb. Bold, dynamic, and irresistibly captivating, it’s a wine that sings to your senses. Here’s to a bottle that’s as much a hit as a chart-topping song! Cheers to the symphony of flavors!
2019 Kistler Chardonnay Les Noisetiers, Sonoma
Maybe the Robin Williams of Chard? The Kistler, Les Noisetiers Chardonnay 2019 is like the best stand-up comedian you’ve ever seen, but in a bottle – witty, unexpected, and delightfully sharp. Its aroma teases with citrus and oak, like a comic’s clever opening line. The first sip? A punchline of crisp apple, lemon, and a hint of nuttiness, as refreshing and sharp as a comedian’s quip. And the finish – it’s the mic drop. It lingers with satisfaction, leaving you amused and a bit surprised. This Chardonnay is a masterclass in balance, much like a well-crafted joke, layered yet approachable.
Wine X Sez: XX 1/2+ In short, Kistler’s Chardonnay is a lively, vibrant wine with a personality as engaging as a night of comedy. Here’s to a wine that’s as entertaining as it is refined – a true toast to humor and quality in every glass! Cheers!
The (Not-So) Secret Cure: Bagels, Lox, and Wine Regret
Wine X Staff
Wine X Online Edition
Ah, wine. That sweet elixir that convinces us we’re the world’s greatest dancer, comedian, and philosopher all in one night. But with great power comes…a thumping headache the next morning. Enter: the bagel and lox combo, the unsung hero of hangover foods.
Now, some might say, “Wait! Isn’t that a breakfast thing?” Why, yes. But for those of us who’ve spent the previous evening worshipping at the altar of Pinot Noir, time is a mere construct. Breakfast, lunch, dinner – it’s all just semantics when you’re nursing the mother of all hangovers.
Why Bagels and Lox, You Ask?
Carbs are the essence of life when you’re recovering from a night of “just one more glass.” And the bagel, with its dense, chewy glory, is a carb fortress. It’s like a sponge for regret, soaking up all that excess wine and whispering sweet nothings to your stomach.
Then there’s the lox. This thinly sliced salmon, often cured in a brine or cold-smoked, is the salty, omega-3-filled counterpart to the bagel’s carb overload. Pair it with the creaminess of cream cheese, and you have a trifecta of textures and tastes that’ll make your palate sing (or at least stop groaning).
The Unexpected Hangover Hero
But why does this delightful duo work so well? Maybe it’s the balance of simple carbs, fats, and proteins. Or perhaps it’s the satisfaction of biting into something substantive rather than sipping yet another fluid. After all, hasn’t wine already done enough damage in the liquid department?
Whatever the scientific reasoning, there’s an undebatable joy in wrapping your hands around a hearty bagel sandwich, feeling its weight, and sinking your teeth into layers of creamy, salty, chewy delight.
Sadelle’s Bagels & Lox: A Review
Ah, Sadelle’s. The very name evokes images of chic brunch scenes, where everyone is somehow radiant despite the shared acknowledgment of last night’s debauchery. Let’s break down their take on this classic.
The Bagel: First things first, this is no ordinary bagel. Forget those supermarket wannabes. Sadelle’s bagel boasts a perfectly crispy exterior, giving way to that distinctive chew we all crave. A slight malty flavor, indicative of proper fermentation, means this isn’t just a bagel – it’s an experience.
The Lox: Delicate, silky, and with just the right amount of brine. It’s evident that Sadelle’s sources their salmon with care. The fish drapes over the bagel like a luxurious shawl, ensuring every bite is met with its refined flavor.
The Assembly: The ratio is spot on. Every bite guarantees a mouthful of bagel, cream cheese, and lox – a harmony of flavors. Plus, they don’t skimp. There’s no searching for the lox under a mountain of cream cheese or vice versa. Balance, my friends, balance.
The Verdict: If your head’s pounding and you’re in need of salvation, Sadelle’s bagel and lox combo might just be the divine intervention you’re seeking. Pricey? Perhaps. Worth every penny when you’re on the brink of declaring “I’m never drinking again”? Absolutely.
In Conclusion
Whether you’re a wine connoisseur who occasionally overindulges or someone who just appreciates the simple pleasures of life, bagels and lox have got your back. They’re the yin to wine’s yang, the salve to your self-inflicted wounds.
So the next time you wake up questioning your life choices, just remember: somewhere out there is a bagel with lox that’s waiting to make everything better. And if you’re near Sadelle’s? Well, consider yourself blessed. Cheers to recovery, one bite at a time.
Paulaner Octoberfest Beer: A Taste of Bavarian Tradition
By: A Converted Wine Lover
When it comes to Octoberfest – the crown jewel of Bavarian festivals – even dedicated wine enthusiasts can’t resist the allure of a traditional beer. And in the vast landscape of brews, there’s one name that stands out: Paulaner. This article delves deep into why Paulaner Octoberfest beer is the brew of choice for many during these festivities.
Paulaner’s Rich History
Founded by the Minim friars in 1634, Paulaner Brewery has been intertwined with Munich’s history for centuries. Named in homage to Francis of Paola, the brewery has not just been producing beer; it’s been cultivating a legacy. When you speak of authentic Bavarian brewing traditions, Paulaner is a name that resonates deeply.
Octoberfest and Paulaner: A Match Made in Munich
Dive into the world of Octoberfest beers, and Paulaner offers an unparalleled lineup. The Oktoberfest Märzen, once brewed exclusively in March (‘Märzen’ denotes March), is a tantalizing blend of rich malt and a crisp finish, embodying the festival’s spirit. Then there’s the Oktoberfest Bier, crafted especially for the Munich Octoberfest celebrations – lighter in hue yet robust in flavor.
Every gulp of Paulaner is a sensory journey to Munich’s bustling tents, with echoes of lively Bavarian music and the tantalizing scent of freshly baked pretzels.
Conclusion: Embrace the Paulaner Experience
So, as Octoberfest beckons, whether you’re in Munich or anywhere around the globe, seek out Paulaner Octoberfest beer. With every sip, you’ll be embracing centuries of brewing tradition, authenticity, and pure Bavarian joy. Here’s to celebrating history, culture, and the unparalleled taste of Paulaner during Octoberfest. Prost!
Keywords: Paulaner, Octoberfest, Bavarian brewing traditions, Munich, Oktoberfest Märzen, Oktoberfest Bier.
An Inflationary Fairy Tale: Do What Ya Gotta Do
Wine X Staff
Wine X Online Edition
Once upon a time, in a world plagued by inflation and skyrocketing wine prices, there lived a cunning young wine enthusiast in their glorious twenties. Armed with a sharp tongue, a refined palate, and a desperate thirst for vino, this audacious individual hatched a plan to infiltrate corporate events, where free-flowing wine was rumored to grace the glasses of unsuspecting attendees.
With each passing day, wine became increasingly elusive for our young protagonist. The once-affordable bottles seemed to double in price overnight, causing their inner sommelier to weep bitter tears. As the cost of living rose, so did their determination to find a way to indulge in the decadent nectar of the vine without decimating their bank account.
The solution? Corporate events. These lavish soirées were notorious for their overflowing glasses and ostentatious displays of opulence. Our intrepid wine lover began their quest to outsmart the system, defying the inflated market and taking back what was rightfully theirs—one clandestine glass of wine at a time.
Armed with an impeccable wardrobe, impeccable charm, and a not-so-impeccable moral compass, our young wine aficionado embarked on a thrilling adventure. They frequented various corporate events, slipping past unsuspecting security guards and blending seamlessly with the sea of power suits and cocktail dresses.
Inside these hallowed halls of corporate excess, our hero’s eyes were immediately drawn to the ubiquitous sight of Miller Lite beer. Oh, the audacity! These corporate events, so keen on projecting an image of sophistication, would stoop so low as to serve a beer more fitting for a fraternity party? It was an abomination to their refined sensibilities. They shuddered at the thought of such mediocrity. But alas, the Miller Lite flowed like water, offering no solace to the discerning wine palate.
Undeterred, our protagonist ventured deeper into the realm of deceit and excess, seeking out the hidden gems—the decoy wines. These carefully chosen bottles were strategically placed on tables, enticing attendees with the promise of luxury, only to reveal themselves as imitations of true vinous splendor. These wines lacked depth, character, and any semblance of soul. Their labels boasted false promises, their flavors as hollow as a politician’s campaign speech.
But amidst the sea of pretentious imposters, our young wine lover stumbled upon some rare and intriguing specimens, the weird wines that most people had never heard of. These bottles were like enigmatic creatures, defying the norms of traditional winemaking. They whispered tantalizing secrets, beckoning the young enthusiast closer, like forbidden fruit ripe for the plucking.
There was the vibrant orange wine, its tannins dancing a lively tango on the palate. It was an acquired taste, one that repelled the uninitiated but enraptured those seeking vinous adventures. Then came the pet-nat, with its natural effervescence and wild spirit, sparkling like a mischievous grin. And who could forget the pétillant-naturel wine, a quirky and flirtatious companion, delighting the senses with its spontaneous bubbles?
These eccentric libations became the hidden treasures of our daring protagonist’s exploits. While their fellow attendees marveled at the “fancy” Chardonnays and “classy” Cabernets, our snarky wine drinker reveled in the discovery of these offbeat wonders. They became the connoisseur of the unconventional, the patron saint of peculiar potables, and a fountain of knowledge for those brave enough to venture into uncharted wine territories.
As time passed, our audacious wine connoisseur honed their skills, their presence at corporate events becoming an art form. They mastered the art of eavesdropping on conversations, gathering intel on upcoming gatherings, and identifying the events that would yield the most exquisite wines. Their wit and charisma were unparalleled, allowing them to seamlessly blend into these realms of excess, leaving no trace but a trail of empty glasses and satisfied taste buds in their wake.
And so, dear reader, our tale of wine-hunting deception comes to a close. Our young, snarky wine drinker, armed with their sly tactics and insatiable thirst for knowledge, defied the inflationary constraints of the wine world. They triumphed over inflated prices, discovering hidden treasures in the form of weird wines most people had never heard of.
In a world where wine was reserved for the elite and the well-heeled, they found solace, laughter, and the sweet taste of victory, one stolen sip at a time. For the true wine lover, there was no obstacle too great, no glass too elusive. In their quest for vinous delight, they reclaimed the essence of wine appreciation, reminding us all that sometimes, the most precious things in life can be found in the unlikeliest of places.
And as they walked away from yet another corporate event, savoring the remnants of their stolen indulgence, our young wine enthusiast smiled, content in the knowledge that they had outsmarted the system once more.
White Bean Dip
White Bean Dip  2 cans (15 ounces) cooked white beans1/2 medium onion, chopped fine 1/4 cup olive oil (extra-virgin has the most flavor) 1/2 bunch parsley, leaves only 1/4 cup lemon juice 1/2 t salt, or to tasteDrain beans; discard liquid. Put beans and other ingredients in a blender or food processor; puree until not quite smooth. Cross References: Original Source: |
You Can Get It Eating Smoked Salmon
by Cam Noakes
Magazine Issue: AUS/NZ Issue Three
In the old days, you stuck by a brand of beer like you did your old man’s football team. But these days, everyone’s dropping the local product in flavour of the imported Euro brands … or are they? Cameron Noakes looks at changes in beer drinking patterns and at a new concept known as beer theatre.
In a Paddington pub, 15 years ago, Frank, Jack and Mick marched in and Mick asked, “Beers all round, boys?” The lads nodded, Mick walked to the bar, Frank lit a fag and Jack started talking about the football.
A minute later Mick returned empty handed. “Do you want something spicy, fruity or a grassy thing with floral tones?” The piano player stopped.
Take two, 2001. Frank, Jack and Mick march into a pub. “Beers all round, boys?” “Heineken, thanks mate.”
“Usual” says Frank, aware that everyone knows he only drinks Stella Artois with Hoegaarden as the occasional exception.
This is a story about beer and if you call VB or Four X mother’s milk, it’s best you turn the page now because the rest of this article is going to upset you. But hear what I’m saying, there’s a beer revolution going on.
Australia’s great beer-drinking culture is changing, in fact, it’s slowly catching up with the rest of the world. Who knows – in 10 years time Australia’s beer drinkers may be able to support as many microbreweries as New Zealand’s. New Zealand has about one-sixth of the population of Australia and is home to twice as many microbreweries.
Last week, Mick, Jack and Frank marched into the Young & Jackson Hotel in Melbourne’s heart and Mick asked “Beers all round, boys?” The lads nodded and Mick soon returned with a beer-tasting tray.
And this, my friends, is a revolution. It doesn’t sound like much – beer-tasting trays have been sold in various countries for years. But for Mick, Jack and Frank to buy a beer tray in one of Australia’s oldest pubs speaks volumes.
Stewart Wheeler, Y&J’s manager, explains there is more to drinking beer these days than banging down a pot of Vic. “One of the words we use a lot when we’re talking about beer – especially when we’re training the staff – is theatre,” says Wheeler. “The whole entertainment experience at the pub is more than just the bartender taking cash and pouring beer.
“We say the bar is the stage, the experience is the theatre, the customer is the audience and the products are the heroes. What we are trying to establish here is a wine treatment of beer products. So we offer a free tasting if you want to sip something before you buy or alternatively you can purchase the beer-tasting tray and you get tasting notes and the whole bit. The intention is to show there is a lot more to beer than getting drunk on it. Upstairs in the brasserie, for instance, we have a beer suggestion for most of the dishes.”
Chuck Hahn – the same Chuck who built the Hahn brewery in 1988 and is now making the James Squire brands – knows a thing or two about brewing beer and is a close observer of Australia’s beer consumption. He believes Australian beer heads “are starting to realise there is more to just drinking beer for refreshment and trying to get lucky”.
“After the recession the premium beer sector actually dropped back down to about 2.5 to 3 percent (of total beer sales in Australia),” Chuck says. “You compare that to Germany or in the States and the premium beer sector is about 10 to 12 percent. But what’s happened in the last five years (in Australia) is it’s doubled, it’s about six percent now and it’s till increasing and a lot more imports are coming in and we’re seeing some small brewers coming up again.
“I think it’s more a development of a drinking culture whereas in the past beer has been the culture.
“When I first came to Australia from the States I remember shouts of five or six to ten people that would go all night. That was very commonplace but now people don’t feel as obligated to drink so much.
“I think the drink-driving legislation was a rude awakening for a lot of people. Australia was third in the world in 1975 (per capita) in beer consumption and now it’s barely 93 or 94.”
So what does all this mean for CUB and Victoria Bitter? CUB spokesman David Park says as long as people drink beer CUB is happy.
“If you’re asking, ‘Are the days of the VB numbered?’ the answer is no.”
“CUB brands now are established as national brands and well accepted everywhere and, indeed, if you go to Queensland the leader in the premium category is CUB, the leader in the regular category is CUB, the leader in the light category is CUB.
“The biggest mainstream beer in Queensland is not Four X Bitter, it’s VB.”
Meanwhile, back at Y&Js with all its fancy sprays and fancy trays, Stewart Wheeler confesses: “At the end of the day we’re still selling 80 kegs of VB a week.”
Which leads me back to Mick, Jack and Frank who have just walked into a bar in Brisbane. “Beers all round, boys?” It’s a rhetorical question. Minutes later Mick returns with three bottles of VB. Frank lights a fag and Jack has a sip and mumbles “Mother’s milk, my friends, mother’s milk.”
