X Rated Wines. World Infamous. Occasionally Copied. Never Eclipsed Snark in a Bottle.
We publish our X ratings on our X Rated Updates & we highlight one bottle at a time on our social accounts. Get Whats-Better-Than FREE Updates HERE. Follow us on Insta or Twitter to get the GOAT reviews pushed to you as they happen, or check back here frequently
If we rate it, we recommend it. It’s just that simple.
2021 Lytton Estate Petite Sirah: The Dark Knight of Wines Hold onto your glass, because the 2021 Lytton Estate Petite Sirah is here to sweep you off your feet and into a world of dark, brooding intensity. This isn’t just a wine—it’s the Idris Elba of your cellar, smoldering with an untamed power that’s as irresistible as it is undeniable. With a near-black color that hints at its mysterious depth, this Petite Sirah greets you with a rush of blackberry, plum, and a hint of black pepper spice, like a whispered secret that sends shivers down your spine.
As you take your first sip, it’s like that moment when Elba walks into a room—everything else fades away. The rich, velvety texture wraps around you, with bold tannins that grip like his commanding presence. It’s structured, yet smooth, with a finish that lingers, making sure you won’t forget it anytime soon. This is a wine with charisma, depth, and a touch of danger—just like the man himself.
Wine X Sez: XX1/2 Gimmie an ice bucket!
#xratedwines #winereviews #wine #foodporn #sonoma
2021 DuMol Wester Reach Pinot Noir,Russian River Valley
This Pinot Noir is not just a wine; it’s a seductive interlude that demands your full attention just to keep up with its energy. Pour a glass and you’ll be immediately drawn to its deep, ruby hue—like a tempting whisper in a dimly lit room.
On the nose, it’s a sultry dance of black cherries and dark plums, mingling with a tantalizing hint of spicy vanilla. Take a sip, and it caresses your palate with a smooth, velvet touch. The flavors unfold in layers, revealing luscious berries, a teasing touch of earthy mushrooms, and a finish that lingers longer than a stolen kiss.
This Pinot Noir doesn’t just satisfy; it leaves you yearning for more. It’s the wine you share with someone when words aren’t enough and the night is just beginning. So, uncork this bottle and let it lead you into temptation.
After all, some indulgences are worth the sin. wine X sez: XX1/2 #xratedwines #winereview #russianriver #pinotnoir #sonomavalleywine #wine #foodporn
Imagine a dessert wine spun from spun gold. That’s the essence of Pedro Ximénez Triana Sherry from Bodegas Hidalgo La Gitana. This Spanish gem shimmers a deep mahogany in the glass, hinting at the decadent flavors to come.
On the nose, it’s a captivating dance of dried figs and raisins, swirling with hints of toffee and toasted nuts. The first sip explodes with richness – a dense and luxurious texture balanced by a surprising streak of acidity. Flavors of caramel, prunes, and dates emerge, coating the palate and leaving a long, lingering finish.
This is a dessert wine that demands to be savored. Pair it with blue cheese, fruit tarts, or chocolate for a truly unforgettable experience. Or, simply pour a chilled glass and let it be the star of the show.
Wine X Sez XXX, Ole! #xratedwine #xratedwines #foodporn #winereview
Krug Grand Cuvée, NV, Champagne
The Brie Larson of Bubbles – Bold, Unapologetic, and Oh-So-Delicious….
If you’re one of those who think all champagnes are created equal, honey, you clearly haven’t had a rendezvous with Krug Grand Cuvée. This isn’t just a bottle of bubbles; it’s a full-blown sensory escapade.
First off, let’s talk about the entrance. Krug doesn’t just arrive; it makes an entrance worthy of a Hollywood A-lister. Think Brie Larson in a sequined gown at the Oscars, turning heads the moment she steps on the red carpet. That’s Krug for you – a star that doesn’t just sparkle, it dazzles.
Pour a glass and watch as the tiny bubbles perform a hypnotic dance, like the steamy salsa moves in an underground South Beach studio. This champagne is a flirt, with aromas winking at you with hints of toasted almonds, citrus, and a naughty whisper of brioche. Take a sip, and it’s like indulging in that first scandalous encounter in a hidden speakeasy, the kind where you’re sipping Krug, of course.
The taste? Imagine a spa day at South Beach’s most exclusive retreat, where every sensation is catered to. It’s rich, complex, with layers of flavor that unfold like the plot of a sultry telenovela. There’s fruit, there’s spice, and everything nice, followed by a finish that’s as long and satisfying as a Miami sunset after a thunderstorm.
But let’s not forget about its versatility. Krug Grand Cuvée is like Brie Larson in her roles – adaptable, charismatic, and always leaving an impression. Pair it with caviar for a classic experience or with a simple, unassuming slice of pizza on a lazy, rainy day. It elevates every moment, making you feel like you’re the star of your own decadent, South Beach saga.
Wine X Sez: XXX Are you F kidding me? What else would we say? Krug Grand Cuvée is more than just champagne. It’s a statement. A statement that says, “F finesse…. Go Biggest, or Go Home.” So, next time the rain pours down in South Beach, grab a bottle of Krug, raise a toast to the good life, and remember – some like it haute. #xratedwines #winereviews #krug #krugchampagne #champagne #winelable #wineporn #foodporn #yum
2021 Quilt Cabernet Sauvignon, Napa Valley
Imagine Ed Sheeran’s sultry voice turned into a wine – that’s the Napa Valley Quilt 2021 Cabernet Sauvignon. Bold and unapologetically vibrant, it’s like a sexy rock anthem for your palate. This isn’t just a wine; it’s a musical journey, echoing Sheeran’s charismatic energy with every sip. The aroma sets the stage, a harmonious blend of dark fruit and smoky oak, reminiscent of the opening chords of an Ed Sheeran crooning. It’s inviting, enchanting, with a hint of mystery, much like the lyrics of a heartfelt ballad. Then comes the taste – a rich, robust ensemble that resonates like a Sheeran song on a moonlit night. It’s a complex melody of blackberry, plum, and spice, each note perfectly in tune, creating a symphony of flavors as layered and soulful as Sheeran’s voice. And the finish? Think of it as the climax of a rock climbing adventure in Sedona’s red rocks – thrilling, exhilarating, and leaving you yearning for more. This Cabernet doesn’t just linger; it ascends to a crescendo, leaving a lasting impression that’s as memorable as scaling Sedona’s majestic formations.
Wine X Sez: XX all day & all night. It’s a serenade from Ed, wrapped in the thrill of a Sedona climb. Bold, dynamic, and irresistibly captivating, it’s a wine that sings to your senses. Here’s to a bottle that’s as much a hit as a chart-topping song! Cheers to the symphony of flavors! 😾#winereviews #xratedwines #wineporn #foodporn #yum #cabernetsauvignon
2021 Post & Beam Cabernet Sauvignon, Napa Valley
Clooney-esque Charm with a Sedona Twist. Imagine the Cloon-man in Sedona, seeking a mystical vortex. That’s the 2021 Post & Beam Napa Valley Cabernet Sauvignon for you – a charismatic blend of Hollywood glamour and Sedona’s mysterious allure. This wine enters your palate with Clooney’s suave confidence, reminiscent of a star navigating Sedona’s enigmatic landscape in search of a vortex. With an aroma that combines the complexity of Sedona’s mystical energy and the sophistication of a star like Clooney in an Italian suit, this Cabernet isn’t just a drink; it’s an adventure. Each sip unfolds like a journey through Sedona’s red rocks, revealing layers of flavor that are as intriguing as the elusive vortexes themselves. And the finish? It’s like finally discovering that vortex – long, satisfying, and with a hint of the unexpected. It leaves you longing for more, much like the thrill of exploring Sedona’s mystical terrain under the guidance of a charismatic leader.
Wine X Sez: XX and maybe another 1/2 X if you find me a vortex. It’s like Sedona’s mystical charm. It’s smooth, complex, and undeniably captivating – a wine that’s as much an adventure as finding a vortex in the heart of Arizona’s red rock country. Pour a glass and toast to a wine that brings together the best of both worlds.#xratedwines #cabernet #napavalley #winereviews
2019 Kistler Chardonnay Les Noisetiers, Sonoma
Maybe the Robin Williams of Chard? The Kistler, Les Noisetiers Chardonnay 2019 is like the best stand-up comedian you’ve ever seen, but in a bottle – witty, unexpected, and delightfully sharp. Its aroma teases with citrus and oak, like a comic’s clever opening line. The first sip? A punchline of crisp apple, lemon, and a hint of nuttiness, as refreshing and sharp as a comedian’s quip. And the finish – it’s the mic drop. It lingers with satisfaction, leaving you amused and a bit surprised. This Chardonnay is a masterclass in balance, much like a well-crafted joke, layered yet approachable.
Wine X Sez: XX 1/2+ In short, Kistler’s Chardonnay is a lively, vibrant wine with a personality as engaging as a night of comedy. Here’s to a wine that’s as entertaining as it is refined – a true toast to humor and quality in every glass! Cheers! #chardonnay #winereview #yum #wineporn #xratedwines #winereviews
The 2021 La Torte De Veglia Cabernet Sauvignon is like the Ryan Reynolds of wines - charming, a bit cheeky, and unexpectedly complex. Sniffing this wine is like diving into Deadpool's mind: a whirlwind of dark fruits, with a smirk of oak and a wink of earthy notes. Sipping it? It’s like watching Reynolds nail a perfect punchline - smooth, with a bold blend of acidity and tannins that playfully jabs at your taste buds. Each flavor layer - from the brooding plum to that mischievous spice - is like a perfectly timed quip in a blockbuster script. This wine doesn't just have character; it has charisma, with a taste as memorable as Reynolds' on-screen antics. For those ready to uncork a bottle of fun with a side of edginess, this Cabernet Sauvignon is your co-star. Lights, camera, action - this wine's ready to steal the show! Wine X sez : XX. #xratedwines #winereviews #wine #cabernetsauvignon #yum #foodporn
Nessus Dorma 2019 Super Tuscan: A Sultry Symphony in a Bottle
Dive into the Nessus Dorma 2019 and find a world where dark cherries flirt with spicy oak, and a hint of tobacco whispers secrets. Each sip is bold yet tender, a dance of flavors - dark fruits, chocolate, a splash of vanilla. It lingers, a smooth, spicy memory that begs for one more sip. This wine doesn’t just pair with dishes; it pairs with moments. Ready to flirt with your senses? 🍷
Wine X sez: XX
#xratedwines #winereview #wineporn #yum #foodporn
2021 Mercato Pesce, Veneto, Italy Grab yer popcorn ‘cause this puppy is akin to a cinematic escapade featuring the sultry allure of a Sophia Loren….With whispers of clandestine fruits and fragrant blossoms, it’s a symphony of passionate flavors, dancing with a delicate balance of vivacious acidity and luxurious sweetnes…., offering a lingering, seductive kiss that leaves one longing for an encore. A true Venetian seduction in a bottle! Wine X sez: XX #xratedwines #italianwine #wine #foodporn #yum.
Lambert Estate "Thoroughbred" Cabernet Sauvignon 2019 - This is the Kate Moss of Aussie Cabernets. A sultry aroma of dark mysteries, it's a flirtatious dance of blackcurrant and licorice with a cheeky oak tease. Think of a stolen kiss in a Parisian alley. This wine isn't just bold; it's audacious, making you crave its forbidden allure. The bad boy of wines, it's scandalous and utterly irresistible.
Wine X sez: XXX 🔥
#xratedwines #cabernetsauvignon #barossawine #barossavalley
2020 Quivera Vineyards Alder Grover Ranch Sauvignon Blanc: Sultry, intense, and full of passion. Like Javier Bardem’s Anton Chigurh on a moonlit dance floor, it surprises with layers of depth. Each sip reveals a new facet – green apple, honeysuckle, and a lingering finish of zesty lime. Wine X Sez: XXX. No country for bad wine! #xratedwines #xratedwine #winereview #sonomawine #wine #foodporn
2022 Whitehall Lane Pinot Noir Rosé Petaluma Gap. Elon Musk walking an old-school high wire. Bright and thrill-seeking. Balanced through the finish. Buy all you can find! Wine X sez: XXX. #wineday #xratedwines #pinot #weekendvibes #winerating #sonomawine
2019 Terminim Cepages d’ Or Alder Springs Vineyard Mendocino. Super cool Rhône white that has all of the taste of a fall potpourri. Apricot, vanilla, a little anise, a smidge of citrus. This is the kind of bottle that makes me thankful for wine. Wine X Sez: XX1/2. #thanksgiving #winereview #happy #foodporn #rhone #xratedwines
2018 Jeff Rundquist 1448 (red table wine ), Sierra Foothiils. Can’t think of a better way to give COVID the middle finger than to grab a great daily drinker & start your weekend early. This petite blend (Verdot & Sirah) is highly infectious! Wine X sez: XX. #xratedwines #wine #tgif #weekendvibes #saturdaynight #winerating
2017 Zontes Footstep Blackberry Patch Cabernet & Fleurieu, Australia. Seriously, when was the last time that you tried to pour and you were shocked that the bottle was all gone ? Wine X Sez XXX. Really this is some bad ass juice my friends #wine #australianwine #mcclaren #foodporn #wine #xratedwines
Wifey Rose Sparking Wine. Veneto, Italy. Tart and fun. Tiny bubbles, but a big burst. No wifey jokes for me today, this one is a keeper. Wine X Sez: XX. #xratedwines #sparklingwine #italianfood #italian #wine
2017 Zontes Footsteps Baron Von Nemesis Shiraz Barossa good tunes and good juice tonight. This one is a burst of cherries and a touch of tobacco on the finish. Delightful wine to help slip into a weekend. Wine X sez: XX. #xratedwines #wine #shiraz #foodporn #music
The blizzard blues brought me to this bottle. Found a open Italian place near my hotel, and then found a liquor store next door. 2014 North by Northwest Red Blend Columbia Valley. Another example why I like Washington reds. My new Syrah-ish friend, I like you many X’s more than Southwest Airlines now. Wine X sez XX #xratedwines #foodporn #wine
Do you ever pop a bottle and wonder “where the F did I get this one? “ love to figure it out because this one is bad ass. Foundry Cab Oakville Six Acre Vineyard 2011. IM ON FIRE BABY. Wine X sez XXX. Sizzle. #xratedwines #winereviews #cabernetsauvignon #napavalley #oakville #wine #foodporn
2014 Talbots RFT Diamond T Estate Pinot Noir. Black cherries, cinnamon, and maybe a lil’ chalk. What time is it? It’s DRINKIN TIME. Wine X sez XXX all night long. #wine #winereview #xratedwines #pinot #foodporn
2018 Bernard Magrez Cotes Du Rhone Villages Plan De Dieu. Ever had a brain freeze drinking a slushy? I think I had one gulping this Rhone. Wine X Sez: XX #wine #xratedwine #foodporn #rhonewine #xratedwines
2011 Ernie Els Proprietors Red delightful barn find at the back of the cellar. Happy day, happy day! 9 year old cherry Kool-Aide. No juice pack required Wine X sez : XX1/2. I’d drink again #xratedwine #wine #foodporn #yummy #xratedwines
2017 Crossbarn Cabernet Sauvignon Napa One of Paul Hobbs’ family of wines. Imagine the perfect Manhattan topped with a perfect cherry, and begging for one more.... of both 🙂 that’s this glass. Wine X sez: XX. This is a really easy, comfortable cab. #xratedwines #foodporn #wine #napa
2017 Rabbit Ridge Allure de Robles Rhone Red Paso. Tasting a lot of G & S. Not much M, but that doesn’t mean it’s not Mmmmmmmmm. Mind blowing for a daily. Know what I mean? Wine X sez: XX and no shame, all smiles. #xratedwines #wine #foodporn #pasorobles #gsm
2019 The Vice Wines “The House”Pinot Noir Napa-Carneros. Strawberry and blackberry. Sinfully gulpable. Are some vices worth burning for? Nodding slow. Wine X sez: XX and testing excommunication! #xratedwines #foodporn #wine #pinotnoir
2017 Ridge Zinfandel Wild Cattle Creek Vineyards. You know how some zins are syrupy and port-like? That’s not this guy. He’s balanced and all finesse. Blue and red fruits plus some baking spice. This one’s bad ass. Wine X sez: XX1/2. And twice on Sundays. #wine #xratedwines #zin #zinfandel
2017 Artevino Estate Chardonnay Yorkville Highlands. Imagine foreplay on a newly Pledge-polished four poster bed. Lots of citrus, a little creamy, and a pouty face if you make me wait for more. Wine X Sez XX1/2 with a devious smile. #wine #chardonnay #xratedwines #foodie #foodporn
2018 Decoy Rose California. Just seeing if the rumors were true... paired with a lil roasted rosemary chikin’. Do I taste a lil Pinot from the waterfowl portfolio? Perhaps! This is Captain Marvel saving the world. Sexy & bad ass at the same time! XX! And an extra X on a hot summer day. cheers! #xratedwines #wine #rosé #foodporn
2017 Hahn Chardonnay Monterey County. I’m thinking Dr. Fauci in a SpongeBob toon. Tropical, bright, straight forward and believable. Wine X sez: X1/2 ..delicious & delightful #wine #chardonnay #monterey #foodie #foodstagram #xratedwines
2018 Folded Hills August White Wine Santa Ynez Valley. Easy peasy lemon squeezy. Just like Natalie Portman, this one is tart but really bright. Wine X sez: a crisp & clean XX #wine #santaynezvalley #foodporn #xratedwines
2019 Les Muraires Duce Vie Tentation Rose Cotes de Provence Dry for now, wet if you take a step to the edge. Perfect virgin sacrifice to the gods of summer pasta night. Wine X sez: X1/2 weeeeeeeee! #xratedwines #rose #roseallday #wine #foodporn
2018 Eden Rift Vineyards Chard. Valliant Vineyards Central Coast. Imagine sucking on a mouth full of Lemonheads listening to Jefferson Airplane. We gotz citrus, and we sure got acid. This bottle is Somebody To Love... Wine X sez: A trippy XX #xratedwines #wine #chardonnay #foodporn
2017 Jeff Runquist R Petite Sirah Salman Vineyards Clarksburg. Boysenberry, blackberry, a little mocha, a bit of white pepper. This one is nice. Just like the first written manuscript of Caligula .... deep & inky and hot. Wine X sez: XX1/2. Really loved. #xratedwines #wineporn #wine
2017 Kate Arnold Cabernet Washington. Trivia Day review: what’s velvety like a blindfold, leathery like a whip, and chocolate like the drizzle on...... yes it’s It’s Kate Arnold’s cab. Wine X says XX + smack that glass. #xratedwines #foodporn #wine #cabernetsauvignon
2019 Folded Hills Lilly Rose Rosé Santa Ynez Valley. The whole Victoria Secret model team sipping on strawberry lemonade. Mind blowing gulp. I’d lick if I could too. Wine X says.... XXX in my imagination and reality too #xratedwines #wine #foodie #foodporn #yum
2009 Stonehedge Cabernet Napa. Clove vanilla and berries. It’s like Christmas in a glass.. I’ve been a good boy this year Santa..... Wine X sez: X1/2 and maybe more if the holiday means I get a bj. #xratedwines #foodporn #wine #napa
2018 Crossbarn Chardonnay Sonoma Coast Am I levitating or did I fall in the pool? Who knows. But no mystery in the bottle... classic reference Sonoma Coast. Wine X says: XX and a skinnydip away from another X. #xratedwines #wine #foodporn #yum
2017 Jeff Runquist Petit Verdot. Damir Ranch, Stanislaw County CA. Big and Intesnse. Why be satisfied with “handful” when you can go all the way to “mouthful”!!! Wine X Says: XX. #xratedwines. #foodporn #wine #wineblogger🍷 #foodie
OMG. This Tahini label reads like a Wine X review! LOL #xratedwines #winex #wine #foodporn #foodie
2017 Maple Creek Estate Chardonnay. Medoncino. Trip to the Caribbean but leaving your lil’ blue pills at home. Tropical fruit and only a little wood. It’s really a nice chard. Wine x Sez: XX #xratedwines #wine #foodie #foodporn #mendocino
2018 Zontes Footsteps Shades of Gris (Pinot Gris) Adelaide Hills, Australia. Big melon and pear... which is too easy for a Wine X review. Think fresh bedsheets, lemon oil and a whip. A crisp pop and a zing. Wine X says: XX fo’ sure. #xratedwines #sexy #wine #foodporn #yum
2018 Clarice Wine Co. Pinot SLH. Chip and Joanna Gaines, you know…. but, a wine. Sneaky-sexy on their own, but nicely balancing each other out.
Wine X Says: XXX and not really caring who wears the pants. Or who doesn’t 🙂 #xratedwines #wine #foodporn #foodie #pinotnoir
2017 Mumbo Jumbo Pinot California. Appropriate that it’s branded like a kids game because its as tasty as grape Kool-Aid. A new wine drinkers dream. Wine X Sez: an easy X 1/2 and a sippy cup away from XX #wine #winelover #winetasting #yummy #foodie #foodporn #xratedwines
2017 Jeff Runquist Barbera Amador. Delicious berries and a lil’ butterscotch. Bunkering down and not coming out ‘till this bottle is done. Wine X Sez: XXX and wanting more. #wine #xratedwines #amadorcounty #food #yummy
2016 Russell Family Vineyards LPR Reserve. Paso. Imagine if The Rock played Austin Powers... Stong enough to take on anything, rich, and totally shag-able. Wine X says XXX & easily worth One Milllyawn Dollars #wine #yum #xratedwines #pasorobles #pasorobleswine #foodporn
2018 Treasure Hunter School Night Red, Red Table Wine, California - Dr Pimple Popper in a canoe with a bottomless goblet o’ raspberry Dippin’Dots. Lots of chill fruit flavors bustin’ out. Wine X sez: Coastin’ in at a satisfying X1/2, aye matey #xratedwines #wine #winedrunk #kitfox
2016 Russell Family Vineyards OVZ Paso. Imagine gettin a valentines gift of Laffy Taffy, salsa dancing lessons and a little blue pill. Its huuuggge... what else matters? Wine X sez: This is zinfully XXX #xratedwines #wine #zinfandel
2014 Loring Chard Rosella’s Vineyard SLH. Salma Hayek’s Oscars dress + a Harry & David delivery. White pear, and a lotta body....But ain’t no pear-body nosiree! WineX says XX1/2. Take a bite! #xratedwines #wine #chardonnay
2016 Rabbit Ridge Zin Paso Westside. Gettin’ in an a food fight with Leo DiCaprio at a Jamba Juice. A hot, sexy, vanilla & mixed berry pop in the mouth. I won’t even duck next time. Wine X sez XX all the way #xratedwines #wine #zin
2017 Hahn Cabernet Sauvignon California. Elvis not-so-incognito shopping in Sephora. Velvety and perfumey with flair. Wine X says X1/2 plus a hunk a hunk of mmmm. #wine #cabernetsauvignon #xratedwines
2017 Zontes Footsteps Hills Are Alive Shiraz Adelaide Hills: So berry spicy, so blue-tiful .... hey sexy, wanna come play my Strat? Wine X Says..XX + a power chord. #wine #shiraz #syrah #xratedwines
Peake Ranch Bellis Noir Sta Rita Hills 2017 - Think John Wayne in a pissed off mood. Ain’t no doubt this one is an ass kicker. An easy XXX with some serious admiration to boot @peakeranchwines #wine #xratedwines #syrah
Russell Family Vineyards Seventy 2017: Imagine Taylor Swift and Violet Beauregarde wrestling in blueberry jello. There’s a lot going on here and it’s alllll good. Wine X says an easy XX1/2 and you’ll get the extra half if you can wait a few years #wine #cabernetsauvignon #pasowine @russellfamilyvineyard #xratedwines
Kate Arnold 2017 Columbia Valley Cab: Like gettin’ a Bumble email from Selena Gomez’s secret account. Sexy & surprising. God yes! XX 1/2 and hoping for a second date. #wine #xratedwines #cabernetsauvignon @katearnoldwines
Boneshaker Zinfandel 2017: Juicy, peppery Filet Mignon on a popsicle stick.... can I lick you ? What if bite? Delicious for an every day drinker. Wine X sez: XX every day and twice on Sunday. @hahnwines #xratedwines #wine #zin #zinfandel
Z Force 2014. Think Gary Clark Jr cranked up during hot yoga. Busting out with spicy jam and balance. I’m breathless by choice. An easy XX. #wine #xratedwines #friday @zontesfootstep #garyclarkjr #hotyoga
May your #2020 start with a lotta #style and a little #crazy!!! Cheers! #wine #winedrunk #yummy #xratedwines
2016 Chateau Montelena Chardonnay Napa. Picture Eddie Murphy gettin’ tricky on a skateboard: Signature OG that has never been better. Bright and complex with a zippy ‘tude. I’m sad that I forgot how really good you are. Wine X sez: XXX with a snarky nod. @chmontelena #wine #chardonnay #yum #wine #hehe #xratedwines