Wine X Staff
Wine X Online Edition
It’s a tale as old as time: the age-old battle between wine snobs and beer drinkers. It is almost like a fight between cats and dogs. No one ever wins, but, the battle goes on and on. Much like Tom & Jerry, the episodes never end.
Wine drinkers think of people chugging beer as pedestrian, uncouth and just plain…boring. Whereas the beer chuggers think of wine snobs as well, snobs! You know……those people with their noses up in the air trying to smell every single drop of their wine in the glasses and swirling it in their mouth instead of just chugging it!
As I said, no one ever really wins this battle. But maybe, just for relatability, we can group them…… Maybe find some commonalities among these strange species.
Persona Numero Uno: That Basic Kind of Biatch
Wine person: rosé all day.
This type of wine person will go to a cafe in the middle of the day and just order a rosé. That’s it. Nothing else fits their palette. It’s either rosé or any house wine. And they think of themselves as a total wine snob too, of course. This is the one in your group that is all kinds of proud that “THIS CANNED WINED TASTES JUST LIKE THE STUFF IN THE BOTTLE!” (We know it doesnt, unless the rose sucked to begin with…..). But we love them anyway…right?
Beer Person: Chug beer till you drop.
This might have been you in high school…. wait, I mean ummmm after you turned 21….. The Chug till you drop beer drinker is the type of person that you dont need a party to expose thie rinner most desires. He (or she) is the one who will be playing beer pong till (s)he loses the ball somewhere……or starts playing quarters on yoru grandmother’s antique 18th century table………The kind of beer doenst really matter and its questionable what time of day it is. He’s the one in your crowd that was the first preson to start drinking PBR or Lone Star…. and occationally makes a longign cmments about his Natty Lite days.
Persona Numeral Dos: The One Who Spends Their Days Reading Wine/Beer Magazines
Wine Person: Only the finest bottle will do.
This is the wineguy that real wine lovers loathe …… he’s more bullshit that substance. This person talks about their (non-existent) wine cellar in the basement of their house, and the number of bottles he has at home. Of course the bottle count changes with each new reference, and not but plausibel amounts of bottles added or consumed. When you see him at the office on a Monday ans ask him about his weekend, he talks about that 1,000-year-old wine that he drinks on special occasions and goes on and on making everyone feel less-that-worthy of even touching the wine. No one wants to touch him, however, and that’s great.
Beer Person: IPA is like poison to them.
This beer guy that is on some internest message board that tracks the whereabouts and replesnishment of single bottle limted edition beers. He’s the last person to order at any bar, and if in a dissaporting mood, will ask the bartender if there are any other special bottles that arent on tap or the menu… you know… the secret stash….. His best friends all are int eh same beer state of mind. It happens. He never chugs beer and tastes it like it’s some kind of wine (the irony!).
Persona Numeral Tres: The Perfect (yeah right) Food Pairing
Wine person: Only a cheese platter will do.
Not only does this wine snob keep blabbering about wine, but, when it’s time to eat, only the finest charcuterie platter will do. It seems that they are the only ones who know about wine and wine pairings. They will never let you eat tuna with your Chianti.
Beer person: All types of oily/greasy/fried food. All day, every day
Whereas this type of beer drinker will order wings and pretzels every single time with his beer( anything oily will do basically!)
If you fall under any of these categories and are offended, we sincerely apologise (not!). These types of people are not only highly snobby but, no one really likes them. They bore their dates when they go out, appear too snarky at parties and everyone just wants to run away from them the moment they bring up wine or beer. And if people tell you otherwise, they are most likely lying.