Wine X Staff
Wine X Online Edition
Insta and Tick Toc video have gone nuts with Somms and Somm-ma-bees going Freddie Kruger on a perfectly nice bottle of wine. When it goes right, its totally cool. When it goes wrong, its totally cool. So basically win-win. Right? Right?
So, last NYE we did a primer on popping a champagne bottle, this year let’s talk about obliterating it. Chuckle. Fair 
warning…. don’t actually DO this… just read it. 🙂 (wine x lawyers made me say that)
So the deal is, the whole trick isn’t just some new gig that social media stars and starlets came up with. It turns out that “Sabrage” is pretty old school. It’s at least as old as Napoleon & his rogue Hussars, who were known to occasionally brandish their blades on unarmed Clicquot bottles.
Just like sleight of hand magic tricks, it turns out there’s a whole lotta hacks that will either turn you into a hero or a goat. Here’s our handy dandy list of nifty success factors
- Everything starts with a good bottle. Those are words to live by every day, but in this case, choosing poorly means problems. You need a reasonably good quality bottle, with a fairly thick glass. No offense, but if you try to blade a bottle of $2 Cooks, not only is that s a bad look, but you better have a broom and a Band-Aid handy. So, use a decent bubbly, and at least eyeball the quality of the bottle before you go all Luke Skywalker and whatnot.
- Champagne, by design, is like a little water bomb. That’s why there’s a cage on top of the cork. All that energy inside of the bottle is what makes the magic possible. That means a bottle of a non-sparkler is a no-go.
- The bottle itself has a few weak points, and that’s what you get to take advantage of. More on that later.
- Misconception…… the blade doesn’t cut anything… in fact, most champagne sabers aren’t sharp at all…..Just like most of the contestants on The Bachelorette.
- All sorts of things can go wrong. So, puhleez don’t do anything stupid. Don’t point the cork at anyone, keep everyone clear, and just know that flying glass is always the risk. Cover your eyes!
Stull wanna do this? Really? OK….. here’s the cheats….
- Take your victim… I mean, bottle….. and go upside-down – submerge the neck in a bucket of ice for at least 5 minutes, but 10 would be better. Chilling the neck is the A#1 hack.
- Pull the bottle right before Go-Time.
- Unwrap ALL of the foil. I know, it’s a PIA, but do what I say.
- Remove the cage, and keep your thumb on top of the cork until “its time”
- Looking at the side of the bottle, find the seam that runs from the top to bottom of the bottle… I swear it’s there…. align the seam with the 12 o’clock position.
- Still wanna do this? It’s not too late to chicken out
- OK…. with your non-dominant hand, hold the bottle with your thumb in the bottom (the punt)… and rotate the bottle to point to about the 2 o’clock position……
- Take your blade, edge toward the cork…….. and swiftly follow the surface of the bottle until it strikes the collar of the bottle…. that’s the little top lip near the top of the neck……
- If you did it right, everything above the collar just went flying somewhere…. if you did it wrong, you’re probably wet.
Assuming you’re still in good shape, there’s a couple of things you still outta know. The first is that the glass rarely breaks clean. There’s probably a sharp edge and ain’t no one needing that, know what I mean? I use a serving cloth to protect my pouring hand. Also, when you pour, at least eyeball to make sure no glass went into the bottle. It’s not a terrible idea to serve through a sediment screen….
Pull it off? Put it on Insta and tag Wine X……. Fail? Tag us then too
Cheers to the New Year, Party your ASS OFF, Wine X Style!
