Lompoc Wine Ghetto

More

Going Star Wars Kid on a Champagne Cork

More

The Pinot of Santa Barbara County

More

Tommy Lee on the Power of Self and Riding Life at 320 MPH

More

Wine X

  • X Rated WinesWine Ratings – XXX Style
  • Eat
    • Surreal Gourmet
    • City Bites
    • Dining Out
    • Entertaining
    • Foodie Products
    • Dips
    • Sauces
    • Starters & Soups
    • Main Dishes
    • Desserts
    • Wine & Food
  • Drink
    • Wine
    • Spirits
    • Beer
    • Coffee & Tea
  • Play
    • Celebrity Interviews
    • Black Label
    • Trippin’ Out
    • Rage
    • Music
    • Head Space
    • Goin Big
    • G Spot
    • Education
    • Cellar Rat
    • Black Label
    • Among Men
  • ShopWoocommerce
  • Home
  • Submitting Samples for Review
  • About Us
    • About Us
    • Our History
    • Archives
    • Writer’s Guidlines
    • Contact

logo

Food Advertising by

Culinary Resolutions for the New Millennium

by Bob Blumer
Magazine Issue: U.S. Vol. 4.1
As we move with warp speed into the new millennium, here are a few culinary resolutions that’ll help you get a lot more out of life — regardless of what your lot in life.

START A FOOD FIGHT Send your food back in restaurants when it’s not right. Remember, it’s a service industry and you’re there to be accommodated, not intimidated. (Notable exception: Don’t piss off the knife-wielding chefs at Benihana.)

BE COMPLIMENTARY Praise the chef when the food’s exceptional. Even if it’s just a humble pancake joint, walk into the kitchen and pay homage.


KREME YOURSELF Make a pilgrimage to the closest Krispy Kreme donut store and bask in the glory of a hot-off-the-line glazed donut — proof positive that anything can be elevated to gourmet status if it’s made well.

TAKE THE PLUNGE Buy a coffee plunger. This low-tech, low-cost (about $20) unit allows coffee to steep, just like tea, thereby extracting every iota of flavor from each precious ground. The end result’s a potent cup of gloriously rich and thick coffee that’ll make you very, very happy.


GET REAL Use fresh, rather than processed or artificially flavored ingredients. Buy real lemons instead of plastic ones; seek whole garlic, fresh herbs and vegetables off the stem.

SCATCH THE ITCH Improve your pleasure quotient by taking a few minutes to make traditional convenience foods from scratch. Mash your own guacamole, squeeze your own orange juice, and, when time permits, bake your own cookies.

UNDRESS THE EMPEROR Determine for yourself which brands are better — not just better marketed — by conducting your own blind tasting. All it takes is a few paper bags and a homemade scorecard to impartially judge the best beverages (e.g., wine, vodka, mineral water) or food products (e.g., butter, pasta sauce, olive oil). These tastings are fun to do with friends and inevitably produce results that’re surprising, if not treasonous.

LINGER LONGER The French spit on us for our heathen ways, then eat and drink like cochons — and have the last laugh by outliving the average North American. Medical research attributes this to the so-called French Paradox. My unsubstantiated theory is that the French style of lingering and laughing around the dinner table minimizes the stress on the digestive system and allows the body to concentrate on more important business.

LIQUEFY Drink more water.

BUY THE FARM Shop at farmer’s markets. Most of the vendors there are the farmers themselves. These salt-of-the-earth souls grow produce for flavor — not appearance and shipping endurance — and they’re proud of it. Ask them for cooking tips, storage suggestions or recipes, and you’re bound to expand your culinary horizons.

UPGRADE Bring your own food and wine on airplanes (see The $25 Upgrade, Vol. 2.6)

BE SINFUL Once a week, take pleasure — not guilt — in eating something sinful. If it makes you happy, it’s good for you.

BE CHEESY Find a cheese shop and discover the difference between cheese and C-H-E-E-S-E (see Dirty, Rotten, Stinky Cheeses and the Wines They Love, Vol. 3.6).

BE ENLIGHTENING Use candles to illuminate routine weekday dinners (at Ikea, dinner candles are almost as cheap as electricity).

DRINK LESS BUT DRINK BETTER As you climb the wine and spirits ladder, let quality replace quantity.

PLANT THE SEEDS OF CHANGE Grow your own herbs. A shovel full of dirt and a couple of pots is all it takes. And if you have a brown thumb, start with mint, rosemary and thyme — you can’t kill ’em even if you try.

BE MORE SPONTANEOUS Throw a dinner party just for the hell of it. Whether it’s as mundane as the February blues, a full moon or a cost-of-living raise, there’s always an excuse to invite friends over, toss together an impromptu meal and dust off a few bottles of wine.

SMOKE UP Discover chipotle chili, a Southwestern specialty made from jalape-o chilies that’re smoked for days over aromatic wood cuttings. Its smoky campfire aroma imparts a distinctive spicy flavor to anything it’s added to, especially salsas, chili, eggs, guacamole and dry rubs for meats.

ACCENT THE POSITIVE Splurge on some sel gris, (a.k.a. sel de Guerande). This intense hand-harvested French sea salt has coarse, grayish crystals that’re rich in minerals. It doesn’t dissolve when it comes into contact with food, so when you bite into the crystals on tomatoes, potatoes or salads, your mouth is filled with a bright burst of flavor.

ASPIRE TO GREATNESS Keep an ungrated chunk of Parmigiano-Reggiano in your refrigerator. Grate just before using on pastas and salads. (To fully appreciate its distinctive qualities, crumble a small chunk into nugget-size pieces and nibble on them alongside a glass of hearty red wine).

INVIGORATE Never let it be said that you can’t afford to cook exotic tasting food. Fifty cents’ worth of fresh garlic, ginger, shallots, chilies, lime juice or lemon zest can instantly transform any ho-hum dish into a party in your mouth. By developing the confidence to add them in bold quantities, you can throw together simple meals that’re as impressive as they are inexpensive.

BE DARING Try a food you’ve hated all your life. If it still makes you squirm, you’re that much braver for having tried.


BE GIVING Make an annual donation of time, energy and/or money to a food bank. If you have more than five bottles of wine stashed away, chances are you’re in a position to help those less fortunate than yourself.

Nov 1, 2017Wine X
Dirty Rotten Stinky CheesesCooking Utensils
Wine X
3 years ago Surreal Gourmet
logo
Food Advertisements by
Most viewed
The Taming of the Pét-Nat
Muscadet & Family
The Fusion of Music, Merlot and Isolation – a Marvelous Experience during a Very Challenging Time
From The Archives
Salads Salads Salads
Jonny Moseley Goes to Wine Country
The Surreal Universe
Cooking Techniques
Nudist Camp III
logo
Food Advertisements by
Products
  • 3/4 sleeve raglan shirt $28.50 – $31.00
  • Short-Sleeve Unisex T-Shirt $19.00
  • Champion Dad Cap $22.00
Wine X

Check out our X Rated wine reviews to see what we are drinking.

Advertise with us
I swear we are accommodating and yeah we've got lots of traffic. Hit us up if you want a really cool way to reach the Millennial foodie and potential wine drinker. We'll do our part to evangelize your brand. Ask us more at info@winexmagazine.com
X Rated Wine Reviews & Bitches
  • 2017 Loring Sierra Mar Chardonnay
  • Vina Amalia Malbec Reserva 2013
  • Jean Sambardier Beaujolais Blanc 2016
  • Loring Pinot Noir Santa Barbara 2015
  • J Wilkes Paso Robles Highlands Cabernet 2014
logo
Food Advertisements by
About

Wine, Food & a Slice of Vice.   Delightfully snarky, proudly irreverent, and yet light on our feet.

First published in the 90’s, Wine X Magazine’s mission is to bring new wine drinkers into the category and ripen them until they’re ready for mainstream or  until they just get bored with us…. (that never happens)

Categories
Articles By Date
Email-Subscription

Sign up for our newsletter to receive the latest news and event postings.

2020© Wine X Magazine